Over the last few weeks, I’ve had a number of experiences with death — mostly grandparents who lived full lives, luckily — so there have been a lot of conversations about death in my family. This led me to record the podcast Why Death is Our Greatest Teacher, which is out this week. And then there was the death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and the other helicopter passengers, which I know was unsettling for many people. He was a pillar of strength and vitality in our culture, and when someone’s life is cut short – particularly when they are in the prime of life – I think it hits us all especially hard. In addition to thinking about the pain of the families going through the experience of death, many people can’t help but think, “What if I go tomorrow? What if this day, this moment is it?” It’s a clear reminder that none of us can escape death, and it may not be as far into the future as we think.
And while there is undeniably sadness attached to death, it also invites us to live more fully. People fear death because they fear the unknown, and from many people’s perspective, it seems like the end of life. But I subscribe to the idea that we are all spiritual beings having a minor physical experience, and death is not an end — death is simply a transformation of energy. Many people have described the feeling of knowing a loved one is still energetically with them after death. Though they can’t see, touch and smell them the same way they could in their human form, they know beyond all doubt their loved one’s presence – their energy – is still there. Maybe you’ve had this experience or know someone who has.
I think this is where death has the capacity to help us live our fullest lives. It’s so common to live life in a constant state of accumulation – whether it be money, items, assets, titles, prestige, admiration or approval from others. When we are seeking those things (both the tangible and intangible ones), it is to strengthen our human identity because our ego is petrified of death. It’s literally trying to save itself. The voice in our head says, “If I have this… If I do this… If I accomplish this… I will finally feel safe.” We live our lives constantly listening to that voice and doing what it is telling us to do as it tries to escape the inevitable.
The certainty of death should be liberating – meaning, yes, we are going to die. Make peace with that. Any problem you ever think you have death takes that away, too. Then live your life and know any problem that you think you have (no matter how bad it is) will only last for a short period of time. Then death wipes it away. It’s a larger perspective that allows you to see the world differently. You just get to experience the experience of life and then when it’s time, you exit. This is so important to hear. So really hear it.
When you truly accept that death is going to happen and will take away every single thing that you have accumulated and every problem you’ve ever had in an instant, the voice in your head is no longer compelling and all those things no longer have the same pull. You’re no longer tied to the created image of yourself and what you think you need in order to be whole. When that happens, you are free to live from a place of freedom and not fear. When you no longer fear death, you no longer fear life. And if you no longer fear life, you can live!
I like to think of it as reading the menu vs. eating the meal at a really amazing restaurant. When you’re listening to that voice that is ultimately trying to protect you from death, then you are reading the menu. “That sounds good… Oh no, I would never like that one… Yes, that dish will make me feel full… “ But once the voice stops analyzing every moment of your life, then you actually get to taste the meal. You have the freedom – or more literally, the headspace – to actually fully experience what the food tastes through all the senses of your body. You’re not distracted by your mind. You’re actually eating and experiencing the meal with every fiber of your being. People spend their whole lives reading the menu of life, without ever actually turning off that voice to fully experience the meal. If you’re listening to your voice the whole time you’re eating, think about how much of the meal you are missing!
Don’t get me wrong… death, no matter when or how it happens, is incredibly sad, and it hurts our hearts more deeply than any other experience of being human. If you haven’t experienced this yet, you will. Death is inevitable. At the same time and like all the greatest mysteries of life, it provides absolute clarity on how ultimately futile the voice in our head is. It makes it clear that the moment to stop listening to it is right now. What it’s trying to protect us from will happen whether we listen to the voice or not, so we might as well chose to live fully instead of from fear. This is why death and especially our loved ones who have passed before us are our greatest teachers – in death, they teach us what life is actually about.
What has death taught you? Comment below and let us know. Want to dive more into this topic? Be sure to listen in to this week’s podcast episode Why Death is Our Greatest Teacher.
