One of the myths out there is that to achieve true happiness we need to be living in a constant state of equilibrium. This is why the whole “work-life balance” concept swept through the business world a few years back. Everyone was talking about it and there were hundreds (maybe even thousands) of articles written about it. But it has been losing steam more recently because let’s be honest… it’s not a true reflection of life. It’s impossible to keep your life in perfect equilibrium at all times.

One text that I think we can look at that provides insight into what happens in reality is Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching. It’s a Chinese text from the 6th century, but the message is still completely applicable to life today and particularly when it comes to the balancing of our lives. We like to think that in our modern world we are the only people struggling with these types of challenges, but it’s amazing when you read texts like this to see how humans have been struggling (really suffering) in the same exact ways since we’ve existed.

In short, the Tao Te Ching talks about finding The Great Way or the middle path, but it’s not a linear line. It results from the action of moving back and forth between opposites. Move to one side too much, and you’ll feel the pull to swing back to the other side. Swing to the other side too much, and you’ll be pulled to the opposite direction. Go too far in one direction and you’ll swing back just as far – to the extreme – in the opposite direction. It’s not like walking on a balance beam and hoping you don’t fall off. It’s more like skiing down a mountain with slight movements side to side. The less extreme the swings, the more forward progress is made.

So what does counterbalancing look like in everyday life?

Here are some small ways counterbalancing is likely already naturally happening your life…

You indulge in food that’s not healthy for your body and your body tells you that you need a salad. Or if you’ve been restricting what foods you eat for a while, you may feel pulled to eat something that hasn’t been in your diet recently.

You stay at the office late for several nights in a row and you feel pulled to spend a lot of time with your family on the weekend. Or you’ve been on vacation for a while, and you feel pulled to get back to the office and start contributing through your work again.

You don’t exercise and you feel pulled to make your next workout really count. Or you exercise too hard one day and your body feels pulled to take it easy or rest the next day.

There is a natural tension inside of you that’s always pulling you back and forth – counterbalancing so that the net result is a middle path. It’s not about balancing two things at the same exact time. When you try to balance two things as once you can never give either your full attention. Counterbalancing is about being fully present in what you are doing, and then noticing when you’re being asked to move in the opposite direction. This is a deeper wisdom within you.

What happens when you don’t counterbalance?

When you ignore those pulls and push through them, the swings from one side to the other become wider and your reality becomes a reflection of those larger swings. When it comes to food, maybe you put on weight or miss nutrients your body is telling you that you need. When it comes to work, maybe you find yourself stressed at work or unappreciative of other aspects of your life outside of work. When it comes to exercise, maybe you work yourself into an injury or maybe your health suffers because you’re not working out enough. There’s no judgment here. Sometimes you will swing hard one way (life is intense at times!) – just know that there will be an equally intense swing when it comes time to move in the other direction.

If you’re acting from the deepest part of yourself and witnessing this process, you will be able to make clear decisions about your actions and bring that intensity from a place of passion and joy and do what it takes to counterbalance those actions along the way. But if you’re unaware of what’s happening and forcing yourself to act (ignoring the pull within you), then that swing backward may be more than you bargained for. A great example of this is when people work themselves into a debilitating state of burnout, which happens to many high achievers and great leaders.

The speed at which you move away from the center doesn’t mean you’ll come back at the same speed – this is why it’s so easy to get so far pulled in one direction. That voice in your head may tell you “Keep working, keep working, keep working…” and each day you listen to it you may move one degree out of balance. Each degree is like a small pebble, and after enough small pebbles building up, you suddenly realize that you’ve hit a wall and are blocked. You can’t even locate where the middle way is because you’re so far outside it, and then… bam… you fly in the opposite direction. The reaction is happening in minutes when it took years to move so far from the middle way.

This happens in our personal relationships and our business relationships and every other aspect of our lives. The point is that these large swings don’t always happen at the same speed. However, the more balanced you can keep your swings and anticipate them, the more centered you will stay.

So how do you actually find the middle way?

To me, again, this means being totally present. It’s not about moderation. It’s about being all in with whatever you are doing. If you’re at work, be there and work passionately until you start to feel that pull for something else. If you’re at home, be 100% present for your family and to do what it takes to recharge until you start to feel that pull to contribute at work. With practice, you will begin to recognize when your mind is talking you into something (which often pushes you to swing too far in one direction) and when you are naturally being called to move back toward the center.

The funny thing is that every person has their own middle path. My middle way is not the same as your middle way. You have to listen to your own inner knowing to know when you’re moving too far in one direction, and with time, you will come to recognize what counterbalance looks like for you. And again, I’m not talking about listening to the voice in your head. The voice is in your head is the one that will push you too far in one direction or the other. It’s that deeper part of yourself, the one behind the voice in your head, that will help pull you to where you need to go next.

Have you experienced this in your own life? If so, what does counterbalance look like to you and how do you make sure you’re on the middle path?