About ten years ago I had just left my first real estate brokerage (the place where I started my career in real estate) to open the first and only Keller Williams Realty brokerage in Vermont. I had just gotten married earlier that year and Sarah and I charged ahead getting the new business off the ground and transitioning my team to the new real estate office. Kid-free (for the moment), we spent long days, every day, building the business, with Saturday mornings reserved for Bikram yoga and brunch. My time blocks consisted of work, workout, spend time with Sarah. Ten years, 3 kids, 5 companies, 330 agents, and 50 employees later, we approach a new decade of possibility.
Someone looking from the outside, might think that I “have made it,” when in fact these past years, while challenging and exciting and full of failure, set-backs, successes, and mistakes, are all just a continuation of my physical life here on earth. There will be highs and lows along the way, but I believe that as long as I am growing spiritually, the rest will take care of itself.
All of this is to say that time is all we have. Make the most of it by being present in every moment. Get clear on who you are and how you wish to express yourself (for me that is through business). Bill Gates may have said it best:
“Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”
Bill Gates
I’m playing the infinite game. The next 10 years are going to pass, no matter what we choose to do; so choose wisely. Choose how you spend your time. Choose who you surround yourself with. Choose how you show up in each moment. You are entirely up to you!
At the end of every year, I like to reflect on some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned throughout the year, in hopes that one or two of them may resonate with you. Here’s what I’ve been reflecting on as this year comes to an end:
I have a love/hate relationship with discipline.
This one came as a shock even to me. I live an incredibly disciplined life. My schedule is… wake before 4:00 a.m to workout, journal, meditate. To the office by 8 a.m. Break from 11:30 p.m. – 1:30 p.m. Work. Home by 5 p.m. to spend time with the family. Emails. Bed by 9 p.m. I’ve been doing some version of that schedule for years. I rarely deviate from it while traveling and keep the same schedule on the weekends (before 9 a.m. anyway) with the rest of the day free to ski, hike, hang out with the family, read, think, explore.
The dichotomy is that I am an entrepreneur at my core. I hate being told what to do or when. I crave freedom. And I love being unfocused. All of these things can actually be a recipe for disaster when building a business. It’s the challenge I see most entrepreneurs get into. They start their own business for the freedom, but don’t do what’s necessary for long enough or commit to investing into and hiring the right people in order to eventually get to that freedom.
I started a company (and then several more) because I like to have my hands in lots of different things. I like to be unfocused. So, I got very purposeful on two things. First, hiring great people who I could hold accountable to being focused, so I could be unfocused and create. And second, structuring my schedule such that I worked really purposefully for set periods of time, knowing that the rest of the time I could be free to do what I wanted.
Self-awareness is a beautiful thing. It was a big aha for me this year was that as disciplined as I am, it’s almost like a defense mechanism against my own unfocused behavior. And I because of how structured I am, I didn’t realize that my real joy and real gift comes in being able to creatively solve problems, start lots of projects, bring big, impossible goals to the team, and then work with and through others to see them realized. I’ll take it! If you’re anything like me, know that it won’t be easy, but by creating a structured calendar and committing to hiring talented individuals you’ll learn to love discipline and get that freedom that set you on this path in the first place!
I’m playing an infinite game.
I read Simon Sinek’s new book, The Infinite Game, late in the year – just in time for some major ahas. I had a feeling I wasn’t playing a finite game, but I didn’t have quite the right language to articulate what that meant in my life and business. I see it like this, an infinite game doesn’t have a finish line. The rules of infinite game change (a lot). An infinite game doesn’t have any winners or losers, just ahead or behind at any given time (and often compared against yourself).
Business is an infinite game. Sure, there are finite goals along the way like launching a new book, completing a new senior living facility, or hosting another class of Project | U. But all of those are simply building blocks along the way toward the overall vision. For me, business is nothing but a conduit for personal growth and my vision is to bring that message to entrepreneurs, business owners, executives, and business professionals, so they too can realize their whole self at work and through the work they do. That vision and mission is never going to end. It permeates everything I do. It shows up in how I lead my team and how I speak to my children. It influences who we hire and what projects we work on next. The game of personal growth through business success will never end and that’s what makes it so exciting to me. That is what gets me up every day full of joy and energy. Growth.
I’ve made peace with failure.
Ten years ago, I had less fear around failure because I had a lot less of everything (relationships, kids, marriage, personal belongings, etc.). As I’ve gotten older, I’ve accumulated more (material possessions, experiences, relationships, family, etc.), like many of us have. Because of this accumulation, as time goes on, you actually start fearing more because you have more to lose. Makes sense, right? Well, I didn’t want to live my life holding so tightly to things (or people or experiences or my identity!). Whether it’s a huge success or a staggering failure, I’ve made peace with it along the way. I focused inwardly on finding joy, happiness, and peace and stopped trying to control life.
Look, I don’t really know if life unfolds for us or not, but I’m choosing to believe it does in order to let go in order to gain fulfillment. Don’t get me wrong, the experience of making money feels a lot different than the experience of losing money but if you can let each experience pass through you without clinging to it and letting it define you, then you become a serious competitor in business. Focus on extracting as much as you can from each experience so that you can grow in consciousness. That’s how I look at everything in life. Whether it’s marriage, kids, an Ironman, leadership, a podcast, a company, I go into the experience with an open mind and an open heart to fully engage with the experience and the moment. By making peace with failure and being fully present in the moment in front of me, I’m able to both grow more and give more every day.
Business and spirituality can coexist.
I knew, from my own personal experiences, that business and spirituality (personal growth, consciousness, inward connection, belief in something bigger than myself) could coexist. What I wasn’t sure about was whether or not this was something that could be embraced beyond my immediate family and team members. This year, I learned that it could, it was, and the world is hungry for more. And that gives me so much joy because that’s the infinite game I’m playing and there are a lot of people who want to join me and play too!
For many years, the 1980s – 2010s or so, we lived in a world of excess and accumulation. We focused on the external symbols of success (the huge house, the fancy car, and the designer clothes – plus the 2.5 kids). We worked hard, really hard. We rarely played. We were connected to our phones and laptops and disconnected from the people around us. The pendulum swung so far on the side of workaholism and material/external significance, that it had to swing back in the other direction at some point. That time is now. But I don’t think we’re all going to stop working, give up all of our worldly possessions, and go hibernate in a cave. At least I’m not going to!
I think we can have both. Spirituality is not reserved for monks. It’s right in front of us, for all of us. We can have inner peace and outer success. Falling in love with the process (so cliche, I know! but so true) of extracting more and more from everything you do has meant more to me in the past 30 days than at any other time. Goals are meaningless when it comes to experiencing joy and everything life has to offer. Your ability to grow and give is the goal and the goal is to grow and give. That is life. I’m excited to take what I’ve learned and am still learning and continue to share it all with you through my blog, podcast, Project | U and more!
What were some of the biggest lessons you learned in 2019? How will that change how you approach the new decade? What are you most excited about in the year ahead?
